The reason why I rebelled against my husband was because I wasn't the only one to him. I wasn't number one. I was second rate. Just there for his consumption, for his comfort. And with my present Other Woman status, things are quite the same. I am hanging on to a hope that finally I will be the only woman in someone's life.

Right now he moves slow. And it constantly hurts me. I need a man without any baggage. I have enough of my own to deal with. Is he really mature enough for me? Courageous enough? Strong enough? How can I entrust my future with him? Am I just too impatient? But I am hurting so deeply on a daily basis. I am so tired of crying because of the fact that he still loves her. What kind of comfort she gives him anyway? He only talks about leaving whenever they have a fight. And every time he talks about that to her and she starts acting frail and sweet he gets swayed so easily right away anyway. That he still cannot bear to start working on our future. Am I just too selfish? I wish I am. Just so I can bear this on my own and not demand for anything at all.