There are times when out of the blue I think of your past and how I didn't live there, how you shared passion with other girls, how you were crazy for them. I get overwhelmed, too scared of your past that it makes me want to just run away fast ... To where you're not there.

I don't like myself becoming all too dependent on him. I don't want to depend on anybody. I always end up being left out in the cold. I cannot let myself into the same situation again, where I gave myself away so much I lost everything in the process. I was a little girl lost in the night forest. I do not want to be there yet again. I keep running away and sometimes it tires me but it doesn't bother me. I just want to run as fast I could. I'd rather run while scared, that stay and still scared.

Why Did I Cheat?

I don't think my own reason for cheating is mentioned here. But anyway I do see myself in some of these.

Confessions: 7 reasons why women cheat

You've probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations — from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation.

Reason #1: There’s no passion
“I had been with John for about three years — he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work and while I was gone, I got together with a coworker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: after dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married and we’re incredibly happy together.”
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ

Reason #2: To delay a breakup
“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extracurricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY

Reason #3: Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
“My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us getting physical. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn’t break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably done out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years after my program ended.”
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR

Reason #4: To avoid being left out in the cold
“I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn’t end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn’t make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that’s just plain over.”
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL

Reason #5: To make a break from a bad relationship
“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan — kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I kissed Will the night before he left and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.”
– Allison, 30, New York, NY

Reason #6: To find that missing piece
“I’m from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we’d take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our relationship, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life’ type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night and spent time alone together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that’s what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn’t make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!”
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL

Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
“My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been secretly dating, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and spent time with the most attractive guy; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!”
– Ashante, 25, College Park, GA

Chelsea Kaplan is a Senior Editor at The Family Groove. Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com. For the other side of the story, read Confessions: 8 reasons men cheat.

How did I come to love him? How did I come to this point of my life where staying awake doesn’t make much difference from being asleep? Sometimes I wish for things to undo themselves. And yet again sometimes I feel like there’s no more chance for things to be reborn so I could start all over again and make much wiser decisions. I am a damsel in distress once again, bruised and cold, and I have to cry these secret tears to myself. Because the man I love doesn’t have much better choice than stay with his screwed up family. It is a noble choice, that’s why I stay here in my own corner and bear the pains. Nothing I can do will change anything. This just has to go on. Until when, I do not know. He has to make his own decisions. I realized I have been playing almost more than a half of his part. I just have to slow down and allow a few distance between us, as far as decision making is concerned. Maybe one day, I will become his wife, by then things will be different. We can hold hands and make decisions together for a common goal.

For now, I am still the other woman. I cannot do much but cry his pains and mine ... all alone.

The reason why I rebelled against my husband was because I wasn't the only one to him. I wasn't number one. I was second rate. Just there for his consumption, for his comfort. And with my present Other Woman status, things are quite the same. I am hanging on to a hope that finally I will be the only woman in someone's life.

Right now he moves slow. And it constantly hurts me. I need a man without any baggage. I have enough of my own to deal with. Is he really mature enough for me? Courageous enough? Strong enough? How can I entrust my future with him? Am I just too impatient? But I am hurting so deeply on a daily basis. I am so tired of crying because of the fact that he still loves her. What kind of comfort she gives him anyway? He only talks about leaving whenever they have a fight. And every time he talks about that to her and she starts acting frail and sweet he gets swayed so easily right away anyway. That he still cannot bear to start working on our future. Am I just too selfish? I wish I am. Just so I can bear this on my own and not demand for anything at all.

I want more than just mere promises.

Maybe I should stop seeing him. Whether he likes it or not. Maybe I should let him deal with his own life right now. And let him decide what he really wants. Well, he has decided already. He just cannot start moving already. Maybe it will help for us not to see each other for now, so we can see things clearly, so we can have motivation to hurry for the future so we can be together already.

I don't know... my boat is starting to sink...

"I love you. I will marry you." If only I could hold on to that right now. If only this can be possible. If only I am not in this present darkness forever wondering when I will see the light. If only he is not actually living under one roof with her, sleeping in the same bed. If only I haven't know how much he loved her, how much he still loves her. If only he hasn't actually shared a life with her, something that still keeps him there. If only I do not love him enough to be this selfish and greedy for everything that he is. If only he can let me go. I really want to go already. I'd rather be alone and lonely...

I am getting more and more impatient ... I want to start moving on my own ...