What does a woman like me deserve anyway? People would judge me for my status because what they see on the outside gives them enough right to do so. So given my reputation, given my immorality, do I still deserve to hope in the Lord? I wonder about that more often these days, in the face of uncertainty, in the face of danger, of humiliation, of poverty, of failure. I am right now at the lowest point of my life. Actually I have been down here for quite a long time now. I wonder until when I'm going to be here. I hope not forever. How to I remain joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer? Even taking a breath itself seems a daunting task these days. I take no blame on anyone for my life right now. This is the life I chose and I take responsibility for it. I hang on to whatever hope there is left in heaven for someone like me.

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