I am a mistress. And I do not just fuck.

This life, my life with him, is real. It's real. I see it in others as they, too, live it. The arguments, the faults and lies, the failures, the second chances, the insecurities. It is helping me as I get to know other's stories. It is helping me to cope. It is opening my mind to these realities. It is helping me accept that life has to have these pains. Out of these pains and heartache we grow. We become stronger. We learn some more. It doesn't end. The learning. It goes on and on and on. I am a lousy student. But I am deciding to keep going and not quit this kind of school. It's not that I do not have any choice. But it's because I owe it to myself, and I owe it to the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with.

So this? All this slandering and stalking and issues hurled at me, I will not let them take me down. I have to keep going. We have to keep going. Right now, I keep this to myself. He is too busy making that life he dreams for me, for us. There's nothing wrong about it, even if at times he neglects me already. Even if a lot of times I get paranoid thinking of what ifs. I let that go for now. I am too weak for that right now. I have to save my energies for more realistic plans. For what is real, it is waiting for us. We will have that soon. Because we love. Because we are not just here to fuck.