I think I really have to try and let go of the need to know everything all the time. I have to learn to chill a little bit. I cannot force people to keep up with my pace. If this is my pace then so be it. I'll keep at it. It's up to them to keep up or not. I am my own woman. I've always been independent. The reason why I'm stressed like this is because I rested in my laurels. I want to take control again, of my own plans, of my own schedules, of my own targets. I have to stop acting like an insecure jealous wife, it's been overly done, that part of me. Have to let that go. Have to find my own interests again and engage myself in activities that can help me in my depression, too. Most of all I have to achieve something. Do something by myself, I cannot depend it on others anymore and wait forever for the result. Please God help me. Sometimes I do not know myself anymore. Is this wrong? To want to take control and not trust/rely on others to do things for me/for us?