Friday, October 8, 2010

here i am again. nowhere to go. no one to run to. no one to talk to. i feel i am making so much drama in my life that no one would understand. none at all. and to think that i am a sucker for connection, for sentimental sharing, profound, deep understandings. i wish there is right now one soul on earth that could understand me, who is like me. i feel so alone and so scared. i cannot even run to god, because i have failed him greatly. so greatly i feel i cannot come any closer to him...anymore.

i am torn between hell and heaven. i am both scared to stay or let go. i am scared to move. i am scared as hell. but i am also scared where i am standing. i feel so lost. i feel so abandoned. miserable. i want to be brave. i want something to hold on to...