Sunday, November 21, 2010

How can I wait for someone who cannot be mine completely? Do I have that enough desperation? Surely I am not born to be a martyr of some sort. I have always told myself never to depend my happiness on anyone or anything. At the moment he lives with this perennial, for me unnecessary pain of fear of losing me. And I feed on it like a tiger licking on it's bloody prey. I used to be the one begging and trembling with fear each time he would disappear. I used to be the one crawling in pain for being left alone and rejected. I used to be the one crying so painfully, desperate for something to hold on to. There are times when I am tempted to launch a battle against our fresh beginnings. Because that is where my heart lives for whenever I die in each painful reality that he couldn't be mine for now.