Wednesday, October 13, 2010

he said he brought her to meet his classmates. another dagger to my heart. i cringed in pain and i had to hide it. right now i'm pissed. how could he maintain such a life and maintain another one in secret? i am a filler. i fill where the wife leaves a gnawing gap as far as romance and sexual satisfaction are concerned. i fill where boredom and loneliness his family life leaves him with. and like a filler, i set up for crumbs. i wait for whatever minute it is that he could spare me with. i wait for moments when he's got nothing to do and remember me. i wait, and wait and wait...

there are things that he doesn't tell me. i just feel that. he loves his wife. that's one thing. he can't actually live without her. he's wanted her from the start to stick with her no matter what. to hell with him. to hell with his wife.

one day there will be no more tears to shed. i will wait for that day.